i just listened to a talk a buddhist monk gave on depression. he says buddha teaches there is no meaning to existence. is this why i couldn't ever find a satisfying answer? if so then all my life i was searching in vain ... or perhaps not the finding is what matters here, but that we keep searching and come to realize reality?
since i was 15 or so, i started to wonder what is life all about, why do we exist, what's our purpose. at first i though it was development and evolution. i thought it will ensure our survival as a race and that is of the ultimate importance. but then i understood that it doesn't really matter if we survive or not, and that everything we do is meaningless if you got a wide enough perspective. i now believe that enlightenment is what one should aspire for. enlightenment comes in many shapes of forms and there are many paths leading to it. the purpose of life is to seek personal happiness, as the dalai lama himself states in one of his books. i think that happiness is enlightenment. true happiness radiates, affecting everybody around you. it's also perhaps one of the easiest things to achieve too, because you already got everything you need within yourself. you just need the wisdom to reach it. that wisdom however for somebody comes naturally, in an instant, for others - it's a difficult learning experience that may require a lifetime.
what i am doing for a good part of my life, now more than ever perhaps, is trying to escape this reality, this cruel, ugly and depressing world, full of pain, sorrow and suffering. but ultimately i'll have to face it, the i will be able to move on, i think.
