this fucking world is bigger than life itself. why do i feel like more and more of it is passing by me? sometimes i feel like this, sometimes i don't. the only thing i realized by now is that this reality, this so called real world that everybody is presenting me, is no more than just a pathetic fiction. i feel like i don't belong here. i don't belong to this world, to this circus, to this ignorant interpretation of life. it's like a curse, i walk among corpses, they are all rotten yet they invite me to join them. no they force me to do it, it's not like i have a choice. or maybe i do ... maybe i can live by myself, alone, like i think i did 'till now. this is soon to be seen. now, i'll just ignore them, their rules, their rights and wrongs, their goods and bads ...
there is no such thing as good and bad, right and wrong, there is just popular and unpopular opinion (from "twelve monkeys").
no, i'm not going to criticize them, nor their life, everything is just as it is. but i'm afraid they're chasing ghosts. sometimes i feel compassion for them, but when i try to awake somebody up, i again understand that "unfortunately no one can be told what the matrix is, one must see it for himself". so i don't give a shit about most of them anymore. who am i, what am i, am i allowed to think about this?
"destiny" i hear myself saying? that's probably it, if that's so, it's not much i can do to change it, in fact my options are exactly none. that's what i was used to think, but now i don't know, to be more specifically - i don't care. i see myself as a result of a chain reaction, started by something. this chain reaction began at the beginning, and is expanding through me. our mind probably can be modeled and everything can be extracted from it, every future action or choice we will make thinking we made it of our own will. at the end of this cycle i expect one to be able to generate this kind of chain reactions himself. so it shall be able to gain control over its destiny, by fulfilling it.
the truth is that nothing is impossible. event the fact that this truth might not be true after all ... and in the end, we're only ordinary men ...
[some time later]
some awoken i am ... doing nothing with all this knowledge i posses. or maybe i just can't do anything with it, and it's completely useless. or maybe i'm just a fool, thinking i'm awake, better than others. no, i guess that's just the way i am, i guess that's just me ... but i have a dream, i have a meaning in life, though something is missing, something is not right ... will this do? will this be enough?
life is a lesson, if you are smart, you learn it when you're trough.
this is my reality.
[some time later]
i just felt it ... everything is change, everything is going somewhere. things happen, we age, we evolve, we disappear. but i can't understand why i'm so scared of it. is it because of my incapacity to do anything about it, to stop it, to absorb it or it's the fear of an end of every thing i love, i like, i admire. one by one, they will cease to exist ... then what? could the insignificance of my existence be the source of my fears? perhaps all of them ...
"everything is change, sorrow and the absence of any permanent principle". that's what buddha said ...
there is no such thing as good and bad, right and wrong, there is just popular and unpopular opinion (from "twelve monkeys").
no, i'm not going to criticize them, nor their life, everything is just as it is. but i'm afraid they're chasing ghosts. sometimes i feel compassion for them, but when i try to awake somebody up, i again understand that "unfortunately no one can be told what the matrix is, one must see it for himself". so i don't give a shit about most of them anymore. who am i, what am i, am i allowed to think about this?
"destiny" i hear myself saying? that's probably it, if that's so, it's not much i can do to change it, in fact my options are exactly none. that's what i was used to think, but now i don't know, to be more specifically - i don't care. i see myself as a result of a chain reaction, started by something. this chain reaction began at the beginning, and is expanding through me. our mind probably can be modeled and everything can be extracted from it, every future action or choice we will make thinking we made it of our own will. at the end of this cycle i expect one to be able to generate this kind of chain reactions himself. so it shall be able to gain control over its destiny, by fulfilling it.
the truth is that nothing is impossible. event the fact that this truth might not be true after all ... and in the end, we're only ordinary men ...
[some time later]
some awoken i am ... doing nothing with all this knowledge i posses. or maybe i just can't do anything with it, and it's completely useless. or maybe i'm just a fool, thinking i'm awake, better than others. no, i guess that's just the way i am, i guess that's just me ... but i have a dream, i have a meaning in life, though something is missing, something is not right ... will this do? will this be enough?
life is a lesson, if you are smart, you learn it when you're trough.
this is my reality.
[some time later]
i just felt it ... everything is change, everything is going somewhere. things happen, we age, we evolve, we disappear. but i can't understand why i'm so scared of it. is it because of my incapacity to do anything about it, to stop it, to absorb it or it's the fear of an end of every thing i love, i like, i admire. one by one, they will cease to exist ... then what? could the insignificance of my existence be the source of my fears? perhaps all of them ...
"everything is change, sorrow and the absence of any permanent principle". that's what buddha said ...
